From Pharma to Table: The McDonald's-Pfizer Merger

Last night’s unexpected merger between Pfizer and McDonald’s sent shock waves through Wall Street, the Pharmaceutical industry and the heavily-processed meat community.

“It was a no-brainer, really” remarked Pfizer CEO Ian Read. ‘These beloved brands have long enjoyed a symbiotic corporate relationship.  We finally decided that as long as McDonald’s is creating new patients for our medications – medications which keep their consumers alive and able to keep walking back to enjoy those 99-cent specials - why not work together?’

The top-secret negotiations, months in the making, sent stock prices soaring as McDonald’s franchises unveiled a new "McHealth Menu" that reflects the revised business model of McDonald’s/Pfizer (now listed as ‘McPfiz’ on the S&P 500).

‘The New McBLT, featuring Bacon, Lipitor & Tomato, redefines health & commerce’ says Fred Golgoth, McDonald’s VP of  Globalization & Happy Meal Toy Development.    ‘It’s a logical progression – together we’ll give people the tasty food products they love, and, should said products threaten their health, we also provide the drugs to neutralize that threat.”

More on this story here.

Eddie